Going to Sweden
(c) Martin Richards
I was born in the UK in the mid 1950's and Life has given me some rich opportunities for making choices - and learning from them.
In 1986 I went to Sweden. Who would have thought it? No, seriously, Sweden! I would never have guessed. My teachers never guessed. They never taught me Swedish, not a hint! The only experience I had had of Swedish was the Swedish cook on the Muppet Show. "Hurdy, Gurdy" was about all I knew of the Swedish language at the time I decided to go there.
So how did it happen that I went to Sweden?
I was invited. I was invited by two women. Two Swedish women. Two young, pretty, Swedish women. "Would you like to come to Sweden to stay with us?" they asked, and smiled. What would you have said?. I said yes.
So I went to stay with them. They had a flat, a small one where they lived, together. These two women lived together, as a couple in a one-bedroomed flat. Suprise! And I was looking for where I would be sleeping. The girls moved a bookshelf away from the wall, to make just enough space for a small mattress. Ah, so that's where the Englishman will spend his nights. Behind the bookshelf. The Englishman behind the Bookshelf.
And so it was for a few weeks until it was time for me to leave for England again. That's when we had the talk. You know there's a talk coming up when you hear "We would like to have a talk with you." Kind of obvious really. And you know it's going to be a different kind of talk. This one was.
We made tea, I like tea. And we had the talk. "We are thinking of having a baby", they said. "Oh how nice", I cooly repied, being a typical Englishman, a typical Englishman Behind the Bookshelf. "And why are we talking about this?" I ventured. "We were wondering if you would like to help us", they asked. Oh so I was to help these two women, these two young, pretty, Swedish women, who lived together in a one-bedroom flat, to get a baby. "Which one of you will have the baby?" I asked. "Oh it doesn't matter", they replied, "whichever".
I had to ask, just to be clear, since I was planning to leave Sweden and go back to England in the next few days, "How involved do you expect me to be?", I asked. "Not much - ten minutes, or so, whatever it takes.", came their well-measured response. "So, you want me to father a child, and then leave. And not be the father?". "That's right, we want to bring up the child on our own, and we only need help at the start, to get pregnant".
And that was all I needed to know. It became very clear to me at that moment that being a Dad was very important to me. Not fathering a child, but being the Father of a Child, for as long as it takes. Not ten minutes, ten years! Or twenty, or however long it takes.
So I said thanks, but no thanks.
There were no hard feelings. We all understood each other. It's hard to get a baby on your own, I know, I've tried! Even though I have good intentions it's not easy to get a baby on your own when you are a guy; or even when you are a woman, or two women.
But that's not the end of the story. There's a little more to tell, about scissors and cups of tea and three questions that changed my life again. But that's another story.
I was born in the UK in the mid 1950's and Life has given me some rich opportunities for making choices - and learning from them.
In 1986 I went to Sweden. Who would have thought it? No, seriously, Sweden! I would never have guessed. My teachers never guessed. They never taught me Swedish, not a hint! The only experience I had had of Swedish was the Swedish cook on the Muppet Show. "Hurdy, Gurdy" was about all I knew of the Swedish language at the time I decided to go there.
So how did it happen that I went to Sweden?
I was invited. I was invited by two women. Two Swedish women. Two young, pretty, Swedish women. "Would you like to come to Sweden to stay with us?" they asked, and smiled. What would you have said?. I said yes.
So I went to stay with them. They had a flat, a small one where they lived, together. These two women lived together, as a couple in a one-bedroomed flat. Suprise! And I was looking for where I would be sleeping. The girls moved a bookshelf away from the wall, to make just enough space for a small mattress. Ah, so that's where the Englishman will spend his nights. Behind the bookshelf. The Englishman behind the Bookshelf.
And so it was for a few weeks until it was time for me to leave for England again. That's when we had the talk. You know there's a talk coming up when you hear "We would like to have a talk with you." Kind of obvious really. And you know it's going to be a different kind of talk. This one was.
We made tea, I like tea. And we had the talk. "We are thinking of having a baby", they said. "Oh how nice", I cooly repied, being a typical Englishman, a typical Englishman Behind the Bookshelf. "And why are we talking about this?" I ventured. "We were wondering if you would like to help us", they asked. Oh so I was to help these two women, these two young, pretty, Swedish women, who lived together in a one-bedroom flat, to get a baby. "Which one of you will have the baby?" I asked. "Oh it doesn't matter", they replied, "whichever".
I had to ask, just to be clear, since I was planning to leave Sweden and go back to England in the next few days, "How involved do you expect me to be?", I asked. "Not much - ten minutes, or so, whatever it takes.", came their well-measured response. "So, you want me to father a child, and then leave. And not be the father?". "That's right, we want to bring up the child on our own, and we only need help at the start, to get pregnant".
And that was all I needed to know. It became very clear to me at that moment that being a Dad was very important to me. Not fathering a child, but being the Father of a Child, for as long as it takes. Not ten minutes, ten years! Or twenty, or however long it takes.
So I said thanks, but no thanks.
There were no hard feelings. We all understood each other. It's hard to get a baby on your own, I know, I've tried! Even though I have good intentions it's not easy to get a baby on your own when you are a guy; or even when you are a woman, or two women.
But that's not the end of the story. There's a little more to tell, about scissors and cups of tea and three questions that changed my life again. But that's another story.
